Just today, a girl friend of mine had informed me that my guy had chatted and messaged him in facebook. She wasn’t hesitant to ask me if it was my guy’s nature to do the practice.
I gave my word to follow that up. She had found the practice a bit unusual for a guy who’s committed in a relationship and who happens to be my boyfriend. Obviously, she was alarmed and concerned. This news was also extended to two other close friends, and just as expected they were also concerned.
Later this day, the flames of the issue went bizarre. Out of my knowledge, my friend suddenly thought of fishing some information from my guy, whether he is loyal or disloyal to our relationship.
I have known this friend for more than three years now, and we’ve been through a lot together along with other friends at college. She is currently in a relationship with a good guy for about two years, still counting.
Going back to my friend’s fishing agenda, she started with asking for a “boylet”. A guy who can keep up without strings attached. He started to wonder, why would she be asking for one yet she has her boyfriend.
Too cut the long chat short, they have discussed things with a dirty talk manner. Since, my friend was fishing for information, it was all recorded, for me to read later on.
He sensed that there was something wrong, and he called. We talked for three hours and tried to find a solution to avoid the same situation. It was a long and relieving talk.
Right after I put the phone down, I logged in at facebook. I told the girls that everything is already okay. They asked me if I had read everything. I didn’t know what “everything” was, i assumed that all things were already brought up during the 3-hr conversation over the phone. Thinking that everything is already settled, i don’t need to read the whole thing anymore, but then, they insisted, “Vie, you have to read this.” So I did.
It was painful, i could not believe that those nasty words came from him. As i read the conversation, I can tell that he is somehow guarded with what he says. Who wouldn’t be, he was a doing dirty talk with my friend. She could spill anytime, and she did.
The questioning came eagerly, “I have to know, I have to understand” I should be able to protect him from this unlikely image. I tried my best to understand. God knows i tried.
All information/chats/conversations were laid upon me in one day. It was exhausting. I felt like quitting. It is unfair. I have been trying to be the best that I could be. My mind dictates differently from my heart. Which one should I listen to?
“Choose whatever you think’s the best” my friend’s boyfriend said.
“How could I possibly know if its the best? I am a newbie.”
“That’s the risk for love”
And then I came to woke up with my senses. It all leaves to one thing…
I have to trust him more. Take these shields off and let him take the lead. If it causes me pain, I don’t have the comfort of blaming anybody.
This is a threat. I could be damaged. I have been wounded. On the other hand, I will continue this road. I may have my limits yet, I choose to learn, to explore and to understand. Everything that had gone with my yesterday will only matter if I chose to bring it along with my tomorrows.
My choice is to trust him, because I love him and I am knowledgeable about the fact that would hurt his feelings if he sensed doubt within me.
This threat may be endless and I see it as a treat to my growth.